Dr. Ben Kim! ;)
http://www.drbenkim.com/radio/overcoming-limiting-beliefs.htm
I cannot overstate how much I enjoy this man's thoughts. I especially appreciate the conversation regarding limiting thoughts/beliefs that we all have, and don't even know it. This ties in perfectly with some of my goals for this year which include "mucking out" those deep-seated beliefs that are not in line with God's word and therefore present a hindrance to further growth and development.
Some of these, after some thought, include:
1. I'm only as valuable as I am beautiful. This is a common theme among women, and an even more common one among those with a background of abuse. We are treated as commodities, to the point that we believe our worth and value are measured by the level of desire in someone else's eyes. If I follow that train of thought, then I have no value unless someone tells me I do. That's a lot of power to give away. God's word directly contradicts this by stating that a good name is more desirable than riches, and that even when my hair is gray He will still care for me just as much as He does now.
2. If I don't fit in, I will not be liked, will not have friends, etc. Leaders stand out. That's all there is to it. I don't even try to stand out, in fact I do my best to blend in, and the older I get, the less I can do it. I'm not the only one with this issue. Many of my loving, generous, fierce lady friends (*coughs*, like my co-author on this blog, for instance! LOL) stand out in a crowd simply because they ARE, and not due to anything that they do or say. I do this, unfortunately it can draw attention I"m not yet ready for. Such as being heavily recruited by local firms, when I still have it firmly in my head that I am relocating upon graduation. I draw attention because I'm comfortable in my own skin at long last, and that is a quality that simply cannot be imitated. I know who I am, I know where I'm going, I know where I stand. It's not a point of pride or bragging, I worked very hard to be where I am, I don't mind that showing.
3. I can only be accepted for what I do, not for who I am. Many capable women fall into this. If you are not DOING something, then people won't need you anymore, and then you are therefore feeling somehow "less" than you would be feeling, otherwise. This is the core of burnout, or stress induced exhaustion, and emotional upheaval. Don't know when to quit. Relationships are based upon performance, "if I do this, then they do that". Many Christians have this type of relationship with God, that if we aren't there every time the church is open, we don't read our 4 chapters a day, pray for an hour and do our devotions, God somehow is displeased with us or we are less of a Christian. This is nothing but sheer and utter bondage. I recommend the entire book of Galations to you, if this applies to you. Are we to be set free by grace through the blood of Jesus Christ only to enslave ourselves again to legalism to make ourselves somehow feel more spiritual???!?!?!? Isn't this somehow implying that by our own efforts we can make ourselves holy, which is borderline blasphemy? Do what you want unto God because you want to honor Him, and as a response to His love for us, but past that........it's a "works trip". One I needed off of, a long time ago.
4. I'm less of a woman because having a home and family aren't on the top of my list. Allow me to clarify. I do want the companionship of marriage, and a partner to live life with, but the rest is really inconsequential to me. Settling down in one area, putting down roots, having children, etc., have never been much of a priority for me or I'd have to think I would have done it by now. I want to travel, be involved in projects that are fulfilling and add value to the community/world, and leave this place better than when I found it. From my mid-twenties to early thirties I struggled with this a lot, that I was somehow "weird" for not wanting the life that all of my friends had. I would be prayed for in churches because OBVIOUSLY there was something wrong with me that I had no man and no minivan full of children yet. I've been accused (I say that scathingly, there are far worse things in life than being a homosexual in my book, but that's another story) of being a lesbian more times than I can count, and I just shake my head. God has told me that I would marry, but that it'd be later in life than normal. I'm already at that point, so I just rest in the fact that I know it will happen.
5. The future is something I can control. I'd try, anyway. Yes, the choices I make today have a great deal to do with what tomorrow brings, but I forget at times that God is sovreign, and that it is His will that will be accomplished in me, regardless. God is in the HERE and NOW, not in my worries of the future, or regrets of the past. God is with me, right now, shaping me into His image, little by little. The only thing the future can do is show His handiwork in my heart. I have no need to worry. But I do, anyway.
At any rate, those are just a sampling of some strongly rooted beliefs that I picked up somewhere along the way, and they need to be uprooted and replaced. On the flip side of that coin, some things that I have learned about myself are as follows:
1. I have to be learning and growing on some level (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, preferably all of the above). If I don't feel like I am growing and changing in a positive direction, I lose focus and direction. This is where incredibly self-destructive habits creep up and sabotage my life for a while. I'm at my best when I'm learning, I'm at my worst when I think I know it all. Right now I"m blessed in that I'm growing by working out and being more conscious of nutrition, getting the MBA, developing my relationship with God on deeper levels, which all adds up to emotional growth, joy, etc., It all ties together. It's a goodness in life.
2. Like it or not, I'm vain. That's all there is to it. Not in the "have to have my hair done all the time" way, but I'm incredibly particular in skin care, I workout religiously (life ain't right unless I crack a sweat first thing in the mornin'), I do my best to make the most of what my mama gave me, and how I present myself is important. In my book, that's kind of vain, but practical in this society.
3. I'm "principles-based" versus "rules based". That's accounting humour for ya, but let me explain. I don't measure the strength of my character based upon if I don't drink, don't cuss, don't keep bad company, never break the speed limit, etc. If I have to blow through red lights to get a friend to the hospital, then that's what I'll do. This ties very heavily into my relationship with God, where I simply cannot accept that we are no longer underneath the law yet I have to fulfill a checklist to be considered a good Christian. Living by grace is actually more freeing, and yet more restrictive, where ALL THINGS are done to honor God, not just x, y, or z. God knows the heart, and dealing with THAT is far more painful, intricate and far-reaching than modifying outward behaviour. Deal with the principles (the heart) first, and the rest will come on its own, in my view. I carry this mode of thought into all areas of my life, where the heart of the matter is far more important than the outward appearances.
Again, this blog is at times a brain dump so I can remember later these "great thoughts" I have. I DID set this to private, ............right? *grin*
I cannot overstate how much I enjoy this man's thoughts. I especially appreciate the conversation regarding limiting thoughts/beliefs that we all have, and don't even know it. This ties in perfectly with some of my goals for this year which include "mucking out" those deep-seated beliefs that are not in line with God's word and therefore present a hindrance to further growth and development.
Some of these, after some thought, include:
1. I'm only as valuable as I am beautiful. This is a common theme among women, and an even more common one among those with a background of abuse. We are treated as commodities, to the point that we believe our worth and value are measured by the level of desire in someone else's eyes. If I follow that train of thought, then I have no value unless someone tells me I do. That's a lot of power to give away. God's word directly contradicts this by stating that a good name is more desirable than riches, and that even when my hair is gray He will still care for me just as much as He does now.
2. If I don't fit in, I will not be liked, will not have friends, etc. Leaders stand out. That's all there is to it. I don't even try to stand out, in fact I do my best to blend in, and the older I get, the less I can do it. I'm not the only one with this issue. Many of my loving, generous, fierce lady friends (*coughs*, like my co-author on this blog, for instance! LOL) stand out in a crowd simply because they ARE, and not due to anything that they do or say. I do this, unfortunately it can draw attention I"m not yet ready for. Such as being heavily recruited by local firms, when I still have it firmly in my head that I am relocating upon graduation. I draw attention because I'm comfortable in my own skin at long last, and that is a quality that simply cannot be imitated. I know who I am, I know where I'm going, I know where I stand. It's not a point of pride or bragging, I worked very hard to be where I am, I don't mind that showing.
3. I can only be accepted for what I do, not for who I am. Many capable women fall into this. If you are not DOING something, then people won't need you anymore, and then you are therefore feeling somehow "less" than you would be feeling, otherwise. This is the core of burnout, or stress induced exhaustion, and emotional upheaval. Don't know when to quit. Relationships are based upon performance, "if I do this, then they do that". Many Christians have this type of relationship with God, that if we aren't there every time the church is open, we don't read our 4 chapters a day, pray for an hour and do our devotions, God somehow is displeased with us or we are less of a Christian. This is nothing but sheer and utter bondage. I recommend the entire book of Galations to you, if this applies to you. Are we to be set free by grace through the blood of Jesus Christ only to enslave ourselves again to legalism to make ourselves somehow feel more spiritual???!?!?!? Isn't this somehow implying that by our own efforts we can make ourselves holy, which is borderline blasphemy? Do what you want unto God because you want to honor Him, and as a response to His love for us, but past that........it's a "works trip". One I needed off of, a long time ago.
4. I'm less of a woman because having a home and family aren't on the top of my list. Allow me to clarify. I do want the companionship of marriage, and a partner to live life with, but the rest is really inconsequential to me. Settling down in one area, putting down roots, having children, etc., have never been much of a priority for me or I'd have to think I would have done it by now. I want to travel, be involved in projects that are fulfilling and add value to the community/world, and leave this place better than when I found it. From my mid-twenties to early thirties I struggled with this a lot, that I was somehow "weird" for not wanting the life that all of my friends had. I would be prayed for in churches because OBVIOUSLY there was something wrong with me that I had no man and no minivan full of children yet. I've been accused (I say that scathingly, there are far worse things in life than being a homosexual in my book, but that's another story) of being a lesbian more times than I can count, and I just shake my head. God has told me that I would marry, but that it'd be later in life than normal. I'm already at that point, so I just rest in the fact that I know it will happen.
5. The future is something I can control. I'd try, anyway. Yes, the choices I make today have a great deal to do with what tomorrow brings, but I forget at times that God is sovreign, and that it is His will that will be accomplished in me, regardless. God is in the HERE and NOW, not in my worries of the future, or regrets of the past. God is with me, right now, shaping me into His image, little by little. The only thing the future can do is show His handiwork in my heart. I have no need to worry. But I do, anyway.
At any rate, those are just a sampling of some strongly rooted beliefs that I picked up somewhere along the way, and they need to be uprooted and replaced. On the flip side of that coin, some things that I have learned about myself are as follows:
1. I have to be learning and growing on some level (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, preferably all of the above). If I don't feel like I am growing and changing in a positive direction, I lose focus and direction. This is where incredibly self-destructive habits creep up and sabotage my life for a while. I'm at my best when I'm learning, I'm at my worst when I think I know it all. Right now I"m blessed in that I'm growing by working out and being more conscious of nutrition, getting the MBA, developing my relationship with God on deeper levels, which all adds up to emotional growth, joy, etc., It all ties together. It's a goodness in life.
2. Like it or not, I'm vain. That's all there is to it. Not in the "have to have my hair done all the time" way, but I'm incredibly particular in skin care, I workout religiously (life ain't right unless I crack a sweat first thing in the mornin'), I do my best to make the most of what my mama gave me, and how I present myself is important. In my book, that's kind of vain, but practical in this society.
3. I'm "principles-based" versus "rules based". That's accounting humour for ya, but let me explain. I don't measure the strength of my character based upon if I don't drink, don't cuss, don't keep bad company, never break the speed limit, etc. If I have to blow through red lights to get a friend to the hospital, then that's what I'll do. This ties very heavily into my relationship with God, where I simply cannot accept that we are no longer underneath the law yet I have to fulfill a checklist to be considered a good Christian. Living by grace is actually more freeing, and yet more restrictive, where ALL THINGS are done to honor God, not just x, y, or z. God knows the heart, and dealing with THAT is far more painful, intricate and far-reaching than modifying outward behaviour. Deal with the principles (the heart) first, and the rest will come on its own, in my view. I carry this mode of thought into all areas of my life, where the heart of the matter is far more important than the outward appearances.
Again, this blog is at times a brain dump so I can remember later these "great thoughts" I have. I DID set this to private, ............right? *grin*
posted by Rae at
9:50 PM
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